More and more people agree that raising a hand to a partner or “raising” a child is unacceptable with a belt. And this, of course, is a step forward. But at the same time, insults and emotional humiliation are still often considered a necessary element of education. We explain why verbal aggression is an unconditional evil.
The boy is eight years old. A man is menacingly hanging over him, probably his father. The boy’s knees are torn into the blood, on the cheeks is dirt and tears. Smartphone is wrapped on the sidewalk. The man screams with all his might: “What are you, completely stupid? How many times have I told you not to run and not indulge when my phone is in your hands! This is not a toy. Will you obey or not? Look what you did!”
The boy does not answer, his shoulders tremble. A woman leaves the bank, sees the phone: “Well, well done, ruined the Sabbath to us”. Having picked up what is left of the phone, she turns to the man: “Here is a workshop nearby. Let’s go, ask if something can be done “. A man hugs his wife, they leave, the boy weaves after them.
Just do not say that this is the necessary educational moment and the anger of parents is justified
These adults are emotional abuse. You will say that the smartphone is expensive and, perhaps, the father of the boy needs to work, but this does not justify his behavior. You cannot insult others, especially children.
Of course, children must be responsible for their actions, but you can always find other methods of punishment. And it is completely unacceptable to regret a broken phone, not paying attention to the broken knees of the child.
Studies show that incorrect verbal behavior, which has long acquired the scope of the epidemic, is explained by the fact that many do not see the difference between emotional speech and verbal aggression. And the difference in intentions: the verbal Abuez depreciates, manipulates, wounds, intimidates, causes guilt, humiliates. And if, hearing how someone reports someone, you justify the behavior of the Abugueser, you are no better.
Five reasons why do not maintain verbal aggression
1. Verbal Abuez is harmful to physical and mental health
Scientifically proven: verbal aggression is https://www.agricorte.com.br/termo-de-consentimento-para-tratamento-de-dados/ harmful to the developing brain of the child and causes changes in its structure. Due to psychological immaturity and poorly developed protective mechanisms, children do not doubt the veracity of everything that is said about them. And when offensive words are pronounced by an authoritative adult, for example, one of the parents, their influence on the child is huge.
2. Verbal aggression is perceived as the norm
If the child was subjected to an emotional Abuez, and his emotional needs were not satisfied, then he, as a rule, grows into an adult who considers verbal aggression the norm. Such people suffer from emotional deafness, they can injure others and do not see anything bad in offensive words.
Often they continue to attempt to earn the love of their parents and try not to notice what and how these parents say. “I perceived it for granted, because it is my mother,” recalls 34-year-old Maria. – Until one day she attacked my ten -year -old daughter. Only then did I suddenly realized: what happened all my life is wrong, it should not be “.
Such emotional deafness accompanies people throughout life, and it is like a magnet to abuse a magnet
“The first husband mercilessly ridiculed my opinion if it was different from his own. And sometimes he simply demanded that I close my mouth, ”recalls 50-year-old Anna. – He devalued my abilities. Both he and my mother said that I was “too sensitive”. A psychotherapist saved me: he explained that ridicule and humiliation have nothing to do with love. For me it became a revelation “.
Many do not dare to admit that all this is a variety of Abueza, although the abusers call it the upbringing or “necessary correction of behavior”, if we are talking about talking with the child. When they communicate with adults, they often mask offensive words as a joke, which they supposedly misunderstood. They masterfully shift the guilt of a “too sensitive” victim. And the victim begins to doubt whether Abuez is it. So: this is Abuez.
If you tell you that offensive words are just a “merciless truth”, do not let yourself fool. True does not hurt.
3. We forget that you can offend without words
Abuez can be different. You can boycott a person, ignore his questions, demonstrate dismissive behavior: roll his eyes or mock. All these are manipulating tactics to make another feel his nullity.
4. We depreciate the pain and experience of the victim
Many compare the verbal and physical Abuez and allow themselves to be comments in the spirit: “It is good that he did not beat you” or “Well, it’s okay, he screamed and stopped”. A person who has become a victim of verbal aggression is very difficult to hear this.
As a rule, people who have undergone an emotional abuse, especially in childhood, suffer from a whole complex of problems: low self -esteem, distrust of others, inability to control emotions.
Try not to say: “Everything that does not kill, makes us stronger”, even if you really think so.
5. Justifying the abusers, we control our behavior less
Not all people intentionally insult others and manipulate them. But from time to time, each of us says something unfair, evil, offensive and humiliating. In addition, the bad manner is infectious: if people from our environment show verbal aggression, it is likely that our behavior will become toxic. Therefore, it is important to analyze your speech: to evaluate what exactly we say under the influence of stress or anger. And if they said something offensive, do not make excuses, but apologize.
Verbal aggression cannot be justified never, under any circumstances.